


Cat's One Shots

by VilaG



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot
Genre: Aggressive Bisexuals, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, I'll add more tags later, M/M, Macavity isn't a good person, Multi, My last three brain cells, Seriously Macavity doesn't have redeeming qualities, Sibling Rivalry, cat magic, crack ship, shit post
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23081353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VilaG/pseuds/VilaG
Summary: A written example of my last three brain cells when I should be doing work. This is basically a shit post book with entire chapters built around a dumb Tumblr post. I mean, there might a be a few serious ones thrown in there, but let's be real - probably not.Also, feel free to comment on any prompts or ideas! I'm open to all suggestion and feedback!
Relationships: Alonzo/Mukustrap, Bombalurina/Rum Tum Tugger, Coricopat/Mungojerrie (Cats), Demeter/Munkustrap (Cats), Mr. Mistoffelees/Mungojerrie, Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger, Rumpleteazer/Victoria (Cats), Tumblebrutus/Plato
Comments: 21
Kudos: 64





	1. Alonzo and Macavity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a nod to my OC Gigic in this one.

Alonzo wandered down an empty street. It was dark and there was barely a cloud in sight. Just how Alonzo liked it. He could see the moon and all the bright stars that surrounded it. It was calm, and the perfect time for him to clear his head. He stopped suddenly when he felt the presence of another creature. He glanced around in full alert, waiting for something to attack. 

He then spun around and was faced with a tall ginger cat, with janky looking fur, and uncombed whiskers. “Hey, Macavity.”

“Sup Alonzo.” The patched tom wasn’t even surprised. To be fair, he was never really surprised when Macavity showed up. He appeared so randomly and so frequently when they were younger, that Alonzo just expected him to be around the corner all the time. “Why are you walking out here alone?” Asked Macavity.

Alonzo only shrugged. “I just needed some time alone to think. Ever since Munkustrap became the Jellicle protector, it seems like he’s had less and less time for me. Not only  that, but he’s been spending more time with Demeter! Don’t get me wrong, she’s wonderful, it’s just...I don’t want to be replaced.” 

Macavity nodded in understanding. He didn’t know why Alonzo was so open all of sudden with him, but he just went with it. “Let me tell you something Alonzo, things don’t always work out the way you plan.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.”

“Life is a shit thing to live through. So sometimes, you just have to beat life at its own game.” Macavity gestured the younger tom into an alleyway so they could sit and talk. The two of them climbed onto the top of a dumpster, and Macavity continued. “When I got kicked out of the junkyard, I was beyond furious. I was livid. So I decided that whenever I got bored, I’d wreck everyone’s shit. I tipped Deutoromy’s tire while he was on it, I set Gus’ tail on fire, I controlled the kittens so they’d run into stuff and make a mess of everyone’s den, it was great.”

Alonzo squinted at the ginger cat for a moment and made a face. “Wow Macavity, you’re a real jerk.”

“Yeah, I know. Now shut up and let me continue. I was feeling especially angry towards my younger brothers, Munkustrap, and Tugger. More so Munk than Tugger, but I still thought he deserved some karma as well.”

“Why?”

“Because. So you know what I did? 

“I don’t and to be honest, I don’t think I want to.”

“I took the queen Munkustrap thought he liked, Demeter, and the queen Tugger was starting to like, Bombalurina, and fucked both of them. Just to spite my brothers. At one point, I was playing both of them at the same time. I made sure they were scarred from it too. I made them feel like they needed me, and you know what? I don’t think they’ve gotten over me just yet.”

Alonzo continued to make a face, only this time his mouth was agape. “Jesus Christ. You’re an ass hole Macavity. Like, jeez. At first, I thought you got kicked for something stupid leaving the junkyard to many times, or being a mess and overall unpleasant to look at. But now I know you’re just a douchebag.”

“Uh, yeah. It’s not some sort of big tragic story. Everyone knows I have no redeemable qualities. Come on Alonzo, you have too much faith in me. You know at one point, I was thinking of doing the same to you. Of course, I knew you were too hungover Munkustrap to fall in love with anyone else, so I didn’t even think it was worth it.”

Alonzo was about to interject again, but Macavity just continued. “Anyways, along the way, I decided I wanted to be an ass to everyone else I hated. Which was just every cat I looked at. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I hate people for the simplest reasons. Like George, I never liked him because he could lift his legs higher than me. Or Plato because he’s a good dancer and he has way too much fun doing it. Also, he kinda looks like me, and it’s extremely off-putting. Or better yet, Jennyanydots because she occasionally sings off-key.”

“Mhm.” Alonzo nodded. He had to agree on that last one, it was always extremely obvious when Jenny sings off-key.

“So I started doing crime. Killing a few pekes, robbing a few poms, kidnapping kittens and making their parents think they were in trouble when they were just in another room. Even buried a few alive just for the hell of it.”

“I don’t like how you said that so casually. Do you need help?”

“Yes, lots. I hired several cats to work for me. Found a kitten I liked, told her she was useless and that I was superior to her every being, you know the usual. I made her ruin a relationship or two, crippled her self worth and whatnot. Only to find out that she leaves only a week later for a bunch of dusty cats in a junkyard.”

“Wait-”

“And to this day, she hates herself more than she hates me. Anyways, you got what you needed? Learn anything new?”

“I learned that you’re truly the worst cat I have ever met and that you need a therapist.”

“Great, lesson learned.” Macavity jumped down from the dumpster, and Alonzo quickly followed. “Just one more thing,” Macavity said. His voice got much deeper and his tone more serious. “Don’t gain a false reputation for being a sociopathic killer with a tendency to do violent acts based on petty and false information.”

“Aren’t you like that though?” Alonzo inquired. 

Macavity started to walk out the alley, but looked back and smirked. ”I don’t know, am I?” He walked out, with Alonzo quickly sprinting after him, only to find that he had disappeared! The patched tom was left, alone and confused.

“Yes- Yes you are!”


	2. Jealously at its finest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did this one because I felt like it. Also, exams are a pain in the ass.

Irritation. That was the only thing Mistoffelees felt. All-day, Rum Tum Tugger and Mungojerrie had been fighting for his attention. At first, it started the way it always did. Tugger would come over and flirt, then Misto would roll his eyes but ultimately smile. Mungojerrie would soon come over and try to outdo him. Repeat cycle. That’s what would usually happen.

Today was different though. They still tried to one-up each other, but it got a little out of hand. There were gifts. Lots and lots of gifts. Flowers, bouquets, ribbons, bows, containers of glitter, fresh salmon- Actually Mistoffelees wasn’t really complaining about that last one. Still, it got to the point where he couldn’t get into his den with how much stuff was inside!

Tumblebrutus found the tuxedo cat hiding under an old cardboard box near the back of the junkyard. “Mistoffelees?” He questioned, lifting the light-weight object. “What are doing under there?”

Mistoffelees immediately shushed him and pulled him into the box as well. He lit up the container with a few sparkles so it would be easier to see each other. “I’m hiding from Mungojerrie and Tugger.” He whispered. 

“Okay, I’m pretty sure you don’t need to whisper. I don’t think they can hear us.”

“You don’t know that! They can hear each other flirt with me from miles away! How do you know they aren’t listening now hm?” The brown tom just blinked at him for a moment, then shook his head.

“I swear to Everlasting, this has got you really messed up, hasn’t it? Have you asked Rumpleteazer for help? Maybe she can get Jerrie to calm down.”

“Well, I tried but…”

**_~Earlier~_ **

“Hey Teazer, may I speak with you for a moment please?” 

The cockney turned to Mistoffelees with a bright grin. “Of course! What’s on ya mind?” 

Misto rubbed his arm awkwardly, trying to find the best way to say this. “Well...I’m having guy troubles.”

Rumpleteazer looked at him for a moment, clapped her hands together, brought them to her face, then pointed them at Mistoffelees. “Listen, I am a hardcore lesbian. You of all people should know that. I’ve been seeing your sister for months. Second, when you say boy trouble, do ya mean as in you need advice on asking him out? Or you need help hiding his body? Because I can only answer one of those.”

“What? Why would you- Nevermind. I just need help with Mungojerrie.”

“Oh! Ya mean hows he’s been competing with Tugger on which is the bigger tool?” Mistoffelees nods eagerly, and Rumpleteazer chuckled. No, she full-on laughed! “Ha! Good luck with that mate!”

“Wait! Aren’t you going to help me?”

“Nah.”

**_~Present time~_ **

“Oh, well that’s unfortunate..” 

Mistoffelees groaned and held his face in his paws. “Ugh! Tumbles, what am I going to do! I can’t turn the corner without one of them coming over to me! I can feel their glares whenever I talk to the other!”

Tumblebrutus thought for a moment. He hated seeing his friend distraught like this. He was going to make the very simple suggestion of just going between the two toms but figured Mistoffelees wouldn’t want that. 

Then, an idea popped into his head. “Misto, follow me.” He threw box off of them and grabbed Mistoffelees’ hand. “Ah! Where are we going?” He asked.

“I’ll explain on the way! Just follow my lead!”

\----------------------

All the cats were gathered in the middle of the junkyard (or centre stage as some called it). They were doing their usual activities. The kittens were playing, the adults were chatting, and Munkustrap was trying to explain to Alonzo that “No we can’t just ‘try for a kitten’! You just want to have sex!”

Everything was fine till Mungojerrie and the Rum Tum Tugger walked right up to each other. The two of them just stared each other down, like they were trying to assert some sort of dominance over the other. “Where’s Mistoffelees?” Tugger finally said. 

Mungojerrie smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to find out?”

“Everlasting, you don’t actually know do you?” Jerrie’s smile faltered and he shook his head. Their attentions were diverted when Tumblebrutus and Mistoffelees ran centre stage. The brow and white tom got on one knee and held Misto’s hand.

“Mystical, marvellous, magical, Mr Quaxo Mistoffelees, will you go to this years Jellicle Ball with me?” Jaws dropped. Mainly Tugger and Jerrie’s. Said jaw fell to the floor at Misto’s response. “Of course!”

The cats around them cheered and came over to congratulate them, as Mistoffelees pursuers dropped to their knees. Mistoffelees smirked, and just because he could, sent out a wave of sparkles spelling the words: “Deal with it bitches!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's why Tumbles and Misto have solos together.


	3. He's Broken Every Human Law

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there kids! Can you spot the Tumblr line?

There was something afoot in the junkyard. Demeter was the first to notice. A familiar scent of anguish, anger, and unwashed gym socks filled the air. The queen's ears pinned back as she cried: “MACAVITY!”

In an instant, Munkustrap ran to her side, Alonzo right behind him. They had recognized the scent and were on full alert. The two toms gave each other a slight nod, going through the necessary routine for when Macavity was near. Bombalurina and Jemima came over as well. 

Munkustrap instructed them to stay hidden for the time being and to tell everyone else to do the same. Then ran off with his second in command to find the intruder. “Demeter?” Jemima starts. “Why is Macavity so bad?”

The older queens looked at each for a moment. They didn’t know how to explain this without scaring the poor kitten. “Let’s just say..he’s broken every human law,” Bombalurina explained slowly. Jemima's eyes widened. “ _ Every _ human law?” She asked in awe.

Demeter nodded. “Yes. Every law. There’s a whole song we can do if you’d like-”

“No no no wait.” The young queen brought her finger to her chin and thought. “You’re actually serious? What about murder?”

Bomba and Demeter made eye contact, then looked back at the kitten. “Well..yes. Of course.” The fiery queen responded.

“Tax evasion?”

“Yes...How do you know what that is?”

“Drunk driving?” 

The queens had to think about that for a moment. Had they ever seen Macavity, a cat, drive a car- Actually there was the time he managed to drive a taxi while drunk on three bottles of alcohol. “What about gambling? Embezzlement? Human trafficking? Doing drugs?”

“Yes, yes, yes, somehow, and definitely.”

Then Jemima gasped. “Even jaywalking!?”

“Yeah..”

“Despicable.” The kitten hissed. Bombalurina made a face and tilted her head. “Really? That’s where you draw the line?”

“What are you guys still doing out in the open!?” Alonzo exclaimed. He told them to wait for them to deal with Macavity. The three queens obliged and went into their dens. Alonzo’s eyes wandered over to Plato, who had been lazily lying in front of the old TSE car. “Plato! What the  _ fuck _ are you doing over there!? Come help us with Macavity.”

The red tom just rolled into an even weirder pose, with one leg stretched out and the other pressed against the trunk of the car. “No. I don’t think I will.” He drawled. 

“Plato I swear to- HOLY SHIT MUNK’S LOST AN EYE! Plato move your ass and get up!”

Plato just continued to roll around and shook his head. “Nah mate, I’m good.”

The patched tom just looked at him and sighed. “Fuck you, Plato.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well kiddies, could you find out what the Tumblr line was? That's right! The entire chapters a Tumblr shit post!


	4. What's a Jellicle Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What really should have happened when Gigic came to the junkyard for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This involves the main character from my other story 'Curious Cat', who is, in fact, an OC.   
> So, I was watching the opening song for Cats when a thought popped into my head, "Do they do this every time a new cat enters the junkyard?"  
> And so here we are. Also, I think now might be the time to mention that this entire book is extremely self-indulgent. But let's be real, you already knew that.

"Quaxo, I'm not so sure about this.."

Quaxo was taking his friend, Gigic, to visit the junkyard for the first time. His home away from home as he described it. The queens family had recently adopted a small pollicle, and it was beginning to get on her nerves. Quaxo suggested she come to the London junkyard whenever she got tired of being at home. 

"Trust me Gig, they'll love you. Just be yourself and everything will be fine."

The two cats crept through a small opening in the fence separating the outside world from the junkyard. As they got into a clearing, they were almost immediately approached by a silver tom. The tabby's eyes looked over Gigic with caution, like he would attack her at the slightest movement. "Who is this Mistoffelees?" He asked in a commanding voice.

"This is Gigic. She's my neighbour from Victoria Grove." The tuxedo cat pushed his friend forward and smiled. "This is Munkustrap. The Jellicle protector." He whispered, then turned back to the older tom. "I wanted to show her the junkyard and see if she could stay here occasionally." 

Munkustrap eyed Gigic up and down for a moment. "Is that so? Well then, let's see if she meets the requirements." 

Quaxo nods and backs away a bit, much to Gigics confusion. The silver tabby stood on his hind legs and stretched his arms out. Like he was T-posing for dominance. " _ Are you blind when you're born? _ " He sang, and just like that, more cats appeared. 

" _ Can you see in the dark? _ " Another asked. 

Gigic just blinked. "What?" 

" _ Dare you look at a king? _ "

" _ Would you sit on his throne? _ " 

"What..What is this? Some sort of flash mob? Why is everyone singing-"

A large cat with a beautiful golden mane appeared, cutting her off. " _ Can you say of your bite, that it's worse than your bark?" _

" _ Are you cock of the walk? _ "

" _ When you're walking alone. _ " 

By now, more and more cats had shown up. Listing off the requirements to be a 'Jellicle Cat'. Whatever the hell that meant. They were really odd requirements as well. Something about broomsticks, books...candles...time travel? Gigic was 80% these cats were witches. 

Quaxo even joined in, with his line about being the pied pipers assistant. 

The young queen just sat there confused beyond comprehension as the flash mob devolved into a choir. Then after glaring into her soul, began dancing again. 

Finally, after hearing the word Jellicle for the 160th time, Gigic just stood up and shouted out- "What's a Jellicle Cat!?" 

Everyone stopped. Shit, she was dead. 

A much older tom slid over to her and got a little too close to her face. " _ There's a man over here! With a look of surprise. As much as to say, 'well how about that' ! _ "

Munkustrap ran to the old toms side and stared Gigic down. " _ Do I actually see, with my own very eyes, a man who's not heard of a Jellicle Cat? What's a Jellicle, Cat? _ "

It was like he was spitting venom in her face. 

"What's a Jellicle Cat?" The rest of the tribe repeated. Even Quaxo looked disgusted that she didn't know what a Jellicle was. They all congregated in a group in front of Gigic, once again looking like they were going to consume her every being. 

They went over the names of the cats, and the different types of names cats had. It still didn't answer Gigic's question of what a Jellicle was, but she just kept quiet this time in fear of further being flash mobbed. 

Then, the cats snapped. " _ But I tell you a cat must have a name that's particular, _ "

"What are you doing?" Gigic asked as they started inching towards her. 

" _ A name that's peculiar, and more dignified. _ "

"Oh Everlasting.." She muttered to herself. "They're going to kill me because my name isn't weird enough."

" _ Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat. Such as Bombalurina! Or else, Jellylorum. Names that never belong to more than one cat...” _

With that, they all scattered. Leaving only Quaxo. Gigic visibly flinched as he walked over to her. "So?" 

"So? What the hell do you mean SO!? What the fuck was that!?"

"What was what?" The queen just looked at him with her mouth wide open. She tried her best to explain what just happened, but he didn't look like he believed it. Quaxo just sighed. "Plato! Bomba!" He called. "Could you come over here please?" 

Two cats jogged to his side and Gigic immediately stopped talking. "So Gig, what were you talking about?"

"Hot tom..pretty queen..can't breathe."

"That's what I thought. Now come on. Let me show you around."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: They say the word Cat, 169 times in the 1998 adaptation of Cats. So I wasn't that far off!


	5. Valentines Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. I am highly aware that it's March and that Valentine's day is long gone. But do I care? No. Not in the slightest.

Valentine's day. The sweetest, and sickest day of the year. Love, appreciation, and the slow yet sudden realization that you’d be alone forever was in the air! Everyone, literally everyone had a mate. Most were expected, others, however, not so much.

**__________________________**

**Mungojerrie and Coricopat**

The sun had been beating down on the two toms as they laid atop of the old TSE car. They weren’t an intimate pair, so Valentine's day was just an excuse to lay about and simply enjoy each others company. The two of them were an odd couple. Coricopat was quiet, whereas Mungojerrie could be much more obnoxious. Coricopat had never done anything to anger, anyone, while Jerrie was friends with a criminal and continuously stole from the tribe and others. Practically opposites. Yet they somehow managed to make it work. 

Coricopat let out a sudden sigh, making Mungojerrie perk up. “I’m bored.” He said. “I’d like to do something interesting.”

“I’m interesting.” Jerrie grinned. Cori glanced down at him, his lip beginning to quirk up a bit. It made his mate smile as he bent towards him to kiss his cheek. It could be difficult to tell how Coricopat was feeling sometimes. From the outside, it didn’t look like he ever felt anything at all! However, over time, Mungojerrie learned to look at the subtle things he did, how moved when he was irritated, his expressions when he was happy. They were all things he took the time to notice. It was one of the reasons Coricopat appreciated him so much.

“So then, what do you want to do? I don’t know if I should suggest anything since you already know what I’m going to say.”

The black and white tom shook his head. “Please do. I enjoy hearing the sound of your voice.” Mungojerrie’s smile widened and he began listing off possible activities. Of course, Coricopat knew what he was going to say thanks to his abilities, but he still listened regardless. Simply enjoying the presence of his mate. He shifted closer to Mungojerrie and rested his head on his shoulder. His silent way of saying he loved him

**__________________________**

**Rum Tum Tugger and Mistoffelees**

For Tugger, Valentine's day managed to be both the best and worst time of the year. He loved all the attention he received from the various kittens, but when it came time to reject their declarations of Valentine's love, his heart ached for them. He couldn’t imagine what it must’ve felt like to have someone you admire shut you down and break your hearts into a million pieces. Oh, wait, yes he could.

Quaxo, or rather, the Mystical Marvelous Magical Mr Mistoffelees, seemed completely immune to Tuggers powers of seduction. It drove the Main coon mad. Every now and again he’d check to see if he’d lost his touch, but the constant looks of admiration from the kittens would reassure him otherwise. So he had no idea why Mistoffelees wouldn’t give him the light of day. Munkustrap would say something about how “You might not be his type?” Which was absolutely absurd to Tugger. He was everyone's type! 

So this Valentine's day he was going to woo that tux no matter what.

All-day, he tried showboating, flirting, dancing, singing, but nothing seemed to work. By this time, anyone would’ve been head over heels for Tugger! But not Mistoffelees. He seemed just as aloof and uninterested as ever. At some point, Tugger was thinking of just giving up and accepting that for once, someone just wasn’t into him. 

HA! Nope! That could never be the case. 

It took a bit of searching, but Tugger found Mistoffelees sitting behind a broken stereo near the further east part of the junkyard. He was just sitting there, meditating. He looked so peaceful. So calm. So beautiful. When Tugger realized how lost he became in Mistoffelees appearance, he quickly shook those thoughts away. He cursed himself for forgetting that Mistoffelees was the one who was supposed to fall in love with him. Not the other way around. 

“I know you’re there Tugger.” Mistoffelees stated cooley. Tugger sighed, then flashed his most flirtatious smile as he walked down to the tuxedo cat. He plopped himself next to him, quietly putting his arm around Mistoffelees shoulder. Surprisingly, Mistoffelees didn’t run away from it. In fact, he leaned into Tugger a bit. 

Tugger took this moment to strike and make his move. “You know, why don’t we take this back to my den and we can-”

“And just like that, you’ve ruined it.” Mistoffelees pushed himself off of Tugger and stood up.

“Wait- What?!” Confused, Tugger stood as well. “What do you mean ‘ _ruin’_ it? What will it take for you to fall in love with me?”

Mistoffelees let out an irritated groan as he glared up at the taller tom. “You can’t just enjoy quiet moments, can you? What are you trying to prove, hm? That you can get any cat here to fall in love with you? Is that what you want from me, just a chance to prove a point? Well, it's not happening!”

Tugger just stood there in silence for a moment. Letting his questions sink in. Mistoffelees only huffed and turned to leave. “Wait!” The Main coon reached out and grabbed his paw. He spun Mistoffelees around so they were facing each other. The tuxedo looked at him with wide eyes, as Tugger pulled the two of them closer together. “I’m sorry,” He whispered, stopping just as they were inches apart. “I shouldn’t be pushing so hard to make you fall for me. Especially if I didn’t plan to reciprocate them. I shouldn’t be using you to prove a point, but I’d like to get to know you Mr Mistoffelees.”

They just stayed there. Both gazing into each other's eyes. “I’d like to get to know you as well.” Mistoffelees leaned in, less than an inch away from Tuggers lips. “So why don’t we save this for another time?” He suddenly spun out of his grasp and sauntered off. Leaving Tugger with his heart pounding and a dazed expression.

“Tugger!” Pouncival called, jumping over a pile of garbage to get to the Main coon. “Tugger there you are! Did you hear? Munkustrap was kidnapped by Macavity!”

“That’s nice Pounce.” He replied dreamily. The kitten made a face and waved his paw at Tugger, but got no sort of reaction.

**__________________________**

**Rumpleteazer and Victoria**

Rumpleteazer paced the floor of her den. She ran down a list of gifts through her head. A card? No, she wasn’t good at writing. Chocolate covered fruit? Where would she find that? Flowers? What kind!? The calico groaned and flopped onto the pile of blankets that was her bed. “I know that sound.” A voice called. A ginger tabby entered the queen's room. “What’s wrong treacle?”

“Hi dad,” Rumpleteazer sighed. She got up to face the tom and held her head in her hands. “I thought you were headin’ off to work?”

Skimbleshanks smiled and kissed his daughter on the forehead. “I was, but I just thought I’d wish my girl a happy Valentines Day before I left.” The calico couldn’t help but smile as well. “That’s real nice of ya dad.”

“It’s no trouble at all! Now, what’s got you so upset?”

“Well, I’ve got a bit of a problem with my Valentine. See, there’s this queen, a real fancy lass she is. She’s great. Wonderful even! But I don’t know if I could ever get her to see me the same way. I don’t even think she notices me.” Teazer looked down. She started to think that maybe she just didn’t meet her standards. “Maybe I’m just not good enough.”

The railway cat shook his head. “I never want you to say that hun. You’re good enough for anyone you set your heart on, one hundred per cent better I’d say! Now, if this queen doesn’t realise that, then she’s not worth it. But, I can tell you really like her. So try getting her a gift. Something simple like her favourite flower.” Skimble dusted himself off and made his way to the exit, then turned to Rumpleteazer with a smile. “Ask Mistoffelees, he knows what his sister likes.”

“Oi!” Rumpleteazer blushed. Her father was right though. A good place to start was to ask Mistoffelees. So that’s exactly what she did. 

Rumpleteazer found the tuxedo cat sitting in a pipe near the centre stage with a small smile on his face. She reached in and tapped him lightly on the shoulder, bringing him back to reality. “Oh, Rumpleteazer. What can I do for you?” He asked, the smile remaining.

“I just wanted to ask what Victoria’s favourite flower was.”

Mistoffelees raised his brow but nodded. “Well, camellia’s are her favourite. Especially the ones that have a mix of white and pink. But the only way you’d be able to get those at this time of year would be if you stole them from a greenhouse.”

The calico flashed a smile and cracked her knuckles. “Is that all?”

“You shouldn’t steal Rumpleteazer.” He said seriously. “It's illegal.” 

“I’m not taking advice from you. You pronounce the ‘g’ in lasagna.” And with that, the queen ran off to go find Victoria’s desired flower. Thankfully, she knew of a place where she could get some. Close to the edge of the city, there was a small flower shop. It was owned by an old woman who never seemed to notice when her plants had gone missing. It was perfect.

Except not really. When Rumpleteazer got to the flower shop, it felt different. The biggest difference being the two pollicles that were situated inside! Not only that but instead of an old lady running the store, there was a younger man at the counter instead. Teazer assumed it was the old woman's son, maybe even grandson. She glanced around for a moment, trying to locate what she was looking for. 

Just above the pollicles, was a shelf of flowers. Among them being the camellias. The calico couldn’t help but groan. This was going to be difficult. She crept slowly through an open window just above the front counter, praying the dogs would detect her scent. 

The ear of one of the pollicles twitched just as Rumpleteazer gathered the flowers. It turned to her and started to bark loudly. Frightening the cat and owner of the shop, as well as alerting the other pollicle. “Goddamn cats.” The owner groaned. He grabbed the broom in the corner of the room and headed towards the queen. Rumpleteazer jumped just before the broom could make contact with her. 

Just as the front door swung open, Teazer ran out, flowers in hand. Both pollicles began to chase after her, till their owner called them back. That didn’t stop Teazer from running as fast as she could though. She kept running and running till she made it back to junkyard where she was safe. By the time she was there, the calico was dirty and out of breath, with one flower in hand. It wasn’t much, but she hoped it was good enough for Victoria.

Speaking of Victoria, the white queen was speaking with her brother not far from where Rumpleteazer had entered. She glanced over at the calico as she came in and gasped. “Teazer! What happened? Your coat is all muddy!”

Rumpleteazer only shrugged it off. “It ain't nothing to worry about, She presented the flower to Victoria and smiled. “Because it was worth it.”

Victoria’s eyes sparkled as she took the flower and grinned at its wonderful scent. “It’s beautiful,” She said with a smile. “But not as beautiful as you.” She gave Teazer a quick peck on the cheek and walked off with Mistoffelees. Leaving the calico there with a bright grin.

**__________________________**

**Munkustrap and Alonzo**

Today was supposed to be his day with his mate. His one and only. But no. Munkustrap _apparently_ had more important things to do than spend time with Alonzo. George offered to take his place for patrol today so the patched tom could spend time with Munkustrap, but he wasn’t even around!

Alonzo huffed, crossing his arms as he was left to wander around the junkyard alone. He sighed, gazing around for a moment and wondering what Munk could be doing. That’s when the concern began to sink in. He hadn't seen him since this morning. He ran back to George to ask if Munkustrap had gone on patrol as well. When he shook his head Alonzo’s concern only amplified. He tried his best to follow his mate's scent, but it was like it had been wiped clean from the junkyard entirely! Not even their den had a single trace of him. 

With that established, Alonzo rounded up a few of the other toms and started to plan a search party. “Right, Plato you come with me. George, you and Asparagus will-”

CRASH! The toms jumped as a bolt of lightning flashed above Old Deuteronomy tire revealing a raggedy looking ginger cat. A toothy grin was positioned on his face, filled with an unreadable motivation. “MACAVITY!” A voice cried from the distance. 

“Yes Demeter, we can all clearly see him!”

“Hello Alonzo,” The ginger cat sneered, inching towards the black and white tom. 

“It was you wasn’t it?” Alonzo hissed. His body arched, his claws out, ready to attack. “Where’s Munkustrap!?”

“Your little _mate_ is fine. Though he may have a scar or two after what I’ve done to him.” Alonzo growled at him. This only made Macavity smirk. “Now now Alonzo, no need to be so aggressive. If you want him back alive, you know where to find me, and if you dare show up with anyone else, I won’t hesitate to kill you, or Munkustrap.”

Then, just like that, he disappeared. Leaving nothing more than a cloud of smoke behind. Plato came behind Alonzo, as the tom registered what had just happened. “It might be a trap. What are you going to do, Alonzo?”

With a look of sheer determination, Alonzo turned back to Plato. “I’m going to get our protector back.”

After briefing everyone on what to do if he didn’t return, Alonzo headed to Macavity’s hideout. It was an abandoned warehouse situated not far from the docks. The atmosphere surrounding it was unbelievably eerie, and the building itself matched. With broken windows, a crumblings wall, and ominous dark fog that felt like it was placed there for an effect. It definitely succeeded in making the place look unsettling, that’s for sure. It made Alonzo grimace.

Slowly, and cautiously, he entered the building. His head shot up once the air began to fill with the familiar scent of his mate. Immediately, Alonzo rushed to follow it, and what he found wasn’t pretty.

Munkustrap was passed out under a single spotlight. Without a second thought, Alonzo ran to his side, checking his vitals and heartbeat. “Munk? Munkustrap, can you hear me?” He cried. There were a few bruises on him, and a bit of fur missing, but he was breathing.

“Calm down Alonzo,” Macavity showed up behind him, startling the younger tom. He began circling the pair they were his prey just waiting to be killed. “He’s under a spell, and only I can wake him up.”

“Then undo it!” Alonzo shouted.

“Aw, but where’s the fun in that?” Macavity chuckled. He stopped pacing and stood over Alonzo, glaring at him as the light above began to flicker. “Would you trade your life for his?” He asked darkly. 

Alonzo responded without a moment of hesitation. “Of course.” 

Macavity made a light 'tsk', then began to grin once again. “Is that so? Then how about I make you a deal. You allow me to do whatever I want to you, and I’ll wake him up.” Alonzo looked at his mate for a moment. He couldn’t stand seeing him like that. However, this was Macavity he was dealing with. He was unpredictable. 

Alonzo must’ve taken too long to decide because Macavity bent over his brother and laid his paw on his arms. Burning it. You could hear Munkustrap visibly react to the searing heat, as he began to squirm and attempt to move out of Macavity’s grasp. “Tik Tok Lonz. I haven’t got all day, and I hate getting bored.”

“Okay, I’ll do it!”

“Excellent.” Macavity let go of Munkustrap and went to Alonzo’s side. With a snap of his fingers, his brother was awake. He shot up, gasping for air as he gripped the burnt spot on his arm. Alonzo reached out for his mate but was held back by Macavity’s firm grasp of his shoulder. “A-Alonzo..?” The tabby stuttered. His eyes widened at the sight of Macavity standing behind him. “Macavity! Alonzo, are you alright? What are you doing to him?!”

The ginger cat groaned. “Yes yes. It’s me. How did you sleep, dear brother?” Munkustrap didn’t say anything. Opting to stand in a more aggressive stance. “Rough nap hm? No matter. You're a rather interesting tom, you know? Always putting others before yourself, never wanting the cats you care about to worry about you. But I wondered, do those same cats feel the same for you?” 

His hand began to travel down Alonzo’s waist, making him shiver in discomfort. “What are you doing? Stop that!” Munkustrap commanded. Macavity only put a finger to the silver toms face. 

“Apparently they do,” He continued. “I struck a little deal with Alonzo here. I told if he let me do whatever I wanted to him, I’d wake you up. I fulfilled my end of the bargain, now it’s his turn.”

Macavity took a long sniff of Alonzo and slowly began to kiss his neck. The patched tom squirmed under his grip. Macavity hissed at this and dug his claws into Alonzo’s skin making him cry out in pain. “STOP! Please!” Munkustrap yelled. He wanted to do something, but the pleading look in his mate’s eyes was telling him not to.

“Aw, I’m afraid I can’t do that Straps. This was his choice, and you’re going to have to sit here and watch it happen.”

“M-Munk..I’m so sorry.” Alonzo sobbed as Macavity began to touch him in places he’d dare not name. “I-It’s okay Lonz. I-I’m right here!” 

“Happy Valentine's day brother. My gift is getting to watch you suffer for as long as I please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Cough* Oof. That ending was a bit of a downer. Sorry? Well, I did say in the tags that Macavity wasn't a good person. I'm just following through.  
> Originally, I was going to do Tumblebrutus x Plato and Bombalurina x Demeter, but I didn't really have a solid idea of what I wanted to do. 
> 
> And yes, I am a crack shipper. But I swear there's a motive to my madness! Mungojerrie and Coricopat touched hands in one of the songs. THEREFORE, they are a couple. This is valid and you can't change my mind.
> 
> Also, can you tell which part of this chapter I wrote at 3 AM on a Thursday while avoiding studying for my exams.


	6. Things the cats would say to each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was a little serious. A little too serious. Like, this book is labelled as “CAT’s Shit Post Book” in my docs, and that was not a shit post. Like, ugh. I actually took the effort to write something. Gross. So I wrote this to balance things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the person who recognises a few of these. The majority of them are my own, but one or two of them are ripped straight from Tumblr.

**Victoria:** Oh my god, Tugger is so enchanting!

**Plato:** Viccy, I’m right here…

**Victoria:** Oh..right..sorry I-

**Plato:** How can I not see him with that beautiful mane of his!

**Victoria:** Aw fuck yeah!

\--------------------------------

**Alonzo:** If I were a gardener, I’d put our tulips together

**Cassandra:** Aw babe!

**Tugger:** If I were a gardener, you’d be my hoe

**Mistoffelees:** .....Thanks….

\--------------------------------

**Pouncival:** HELP! HELP!!!

**Munkustrap:** What? What’s wrong!?

**Pouncival:** It’s my tail! It’s following me!

**Munkustrap:** ....no..no it’s supposed to-

**Tumblebrutus:** That’s horrifying!!

**Plato:** gEt THe sAW

\--------------------------------

**Munkustrap:** Demeter..are you in love with my older brother?

**Demeter:** Why would you think that?

**Munkustrap:** It’s just that whenever he shows up, you so very  ***cough*** sensual dances in regards to him.

**Demeter: Mmmmm...** I have no idea what you’re talking about.

**Tugger:** Hey Bomba, are you into Macavity

**Bombalurina:** Oh fuck yeah! He hella hot

\--------------------------------

**When Old D shows up:**

**Jellicles: *Gasp*** Could it be!!?!? Why, it’s Deuteronomy! What an unexpected surprise!!

**Deuteronomy:** I literally show up every year. Calm down.

\--------------------------------

**Mistoffelees:** What’s your sexuality?

**Tugger:** Yes

\--------------------------------

**Munkustrap: *Takes a five-minute break; Comes back and the junkyard is in utter chaos***

**Plato:** Oh thank the Everlasting Cat you’re back!

**Munkustrap:** I was gone for five minutes! What the hell happened!?

**Plato:** Well Pouncival wanted to see what would happen if he touched fire, Rumpleteazer and Mungojerrie were trying to see who could stay underwater the longest, and Mistoffelees was trying to conjure a rat but ended up creating a bear and-

**Munkustrap:** I CAN’T LEAVE YOU GUYS ALONE FOR ONE MINUTE CAN I!?!?!

\--------------------------------

**Macavity:** I was going to donate blood today, but they were asking waaaay too many personal questions.

**Mungojerrie:** Mhm

**Macavity:** Like, “Who’s blood is this” and, “Where did you get it from?”

**Macavity:** Someone donates a kidney and is hailed a hero, but I donate five and get arrested!?

**Mungojerrie:** Honestly, the legal system is so corrupt

\--------------------------------

**Tumblebrutus:** Sometimes when I’m alone, I like to close my eyes and imagine what would happen if I was never born. Would the world be the same? Would it be better, or would it be worse? Does my existence really have an impact on the world and the people around me? Or am I just a speck floating in the endless vacuum that is space.

**Alonzo:** Wow Tumbles..that’s deep

**Tumblebrutus:** Thanks, it’s a Pinterest quote.

\--------------------------------

**Pouncival:** The world is an amazing place with amazing people! Everyone loves each other and things are perfect!

**Munkustrap:** Can I have whatever you’re smoking?

\--------------------------------

**Mistoffelees:** Have you ever wanted kids?

**Tugger:** Yes. With you.

\--------------------------------

**Mungojerrie:** How dare you to assume I’ve reached my peak of dumbassness

\--------------------------------

**Macavity:*Throws paper on the floor***

**Electra: *Dramatic gasp*** UH, eXuSE ME!! There are SEA TURTLES that could choke on that!

**Macavity:** Listen, bitch, if you don’t stop talking, you’ll be the sea turtle who does.

\--------------------------------

**When Old D shows up pt2**

**Deuteronomy: *taking a different route*** Heh heh, they won’t catch me this time

**Coricopat & Tantomile: ** _ I believe it is Old Deuteronomy _

**Deuteronomy:** Oh for fuck's sake

\--------------------------------

**Tugger:** I never cry

**Munkustrap:** Just this morning you were crying about snakes

**Tugger: *tears up*** They have no arms, Munk! nO aRMs!!

\--------------------------------

**Munkustrap:** Jerrie? What are you running from?

**Mungojerrie:** This huge black thing on the ground! It’s been following me all day!

**Munkustrap:** You...You mean your shadow

**Mungojerrie:** ***Has flamethrower*** BURN IT 

\--------------------------------

**Jellylorum:** Does it ever concern how many of the cats here ended up gay?

**Old D:** No. Why?

**Jellylorum:** Like..we’re not going to able repopulate in the same numbers

**Rumpleteazer:** Uh, that’s why cat magic exists Jelly. So gay cats can make kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sigh* This is seriously what I was writing instead of studying for my exam...Cool!


	7. Kittens Galore

When Rum Tum Tugger said Mistoffelees pulled seven kittens out of a hat, he wasn’t joking. He was so proud of him in fact, that he mentioned it twice during his song! But why was that?

It was an especially cold night in London. Both Mistoffelees and Tugger were huddled together for warmth. Well, it was more like Misto was rubbing himself against the giant space heater that was his mate. Tugger didn’t mind though. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, Mistoffelees was the only cat he cared to cuddle. 

The cats' humans had been out all day and didn’t leave any heaters on in the house to save electricity. Leaving the two toms to make do for any sort of heat. Mistoffelees began to shiver as a draft from an open window blew through the room. Instinctively, Tugger pulled the smaller tom closer to him, wrapping his arms around him as he did so. “Better?” He asked. 

“Much.” Mistoffelees let out a sigh of satisfaction. Even though it was cold, he enjoyed the moments when it was just him and his mate. It was nice when they could just sit and enjoy each other’s company. “I hope the others in the junkyard are alright.” Misto said quietly.

“I do too.” Another draft blew through the room, this time Tugger was the one who shivered. “A shame you can’t make it warmer in here with your magic,” He said with a chuckle. 

"I wouldn’t need to if I had that unruly mane of yours,” Mistoffelees smirked. 

“I wouldn’t tease the one keeping you warm.” The main coon rolled himself away from Mistoffelees for a moment, making the smaller tom shiver again. He sent Tugger a glare and immediately raced back to his side. Sighing as he felt the warmth return to him. Tugger chuckled one more and brought Mistoffelees closer to him. 

As they continued to snuggle, the clicking of the door being unlocked was soon heard. Followed by the sound of talking and heels clacking against the oak wood floors. “Really Veronica, did we have to stay out for so long? We left the poor cats here all alone!” One of the human females exclaimed.

“Well Jocelyn, we would’ve made it back sooner if you didn’t insist on making us wear heels!” The other one replied. 

“How was I supposed to know it was going to be so cold!” Continuing to go back and forth, Jocelyn ended up dropping her hat during the ordeal. Neither seemed to notice and went on. When they left the room, Tugger jumped over to the hat, Mistoffelees following. It was a red cloche hat that complimented the outfit of the same colour Jocelyn had been wearing. Out of pure curiosity, Tugger leapt into it, just to see if he could fit. Mistoffelees rolled his eyes and tipped the hat over, making the main coon fall out. “Hey! Why’d you do that?!”

“Because I’m cold, and you’re basically a walking blanket.” 

That’s when Mistoffelees got an idea. He pulled the hat over to the toms’ shared bed and peered inside. Maybe he could conjure up a blanket or two so Tugger could go do as he liked. Mistoffelees knew he got tired of sitting in one spot for too long. “What are you doing?” He asked with the tilt of his head.”

“You’ll see.” Mistoffelees tried to focus on something warm. Something fuzzy. Preferably in a large quantity, say, seven. He closed his eyes and began the spell. His hands felt warm as they began to glow and the magic flowed through them. 

“Uh...tux?”

“Tugger please, I’m trying to focus.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You might want to take a look at this though.” 

Mistoffelees let out a small groan and opened his eyes. “What is- Oh..Oh dear..” A small kitten had appeared in Tugger's hands. It had dark fur with white leopard spots around his legs. On his neck was a growing mane with the same white colour and a few hints of gold. He looked up at the toms with bright eyes and ‘meows’ softly. Tugger's heart practically melted as he nuzzled the kitten. Then, with a more serious expression, looked over at Mistoffelees. “Look Misto, maybe we should’ve talked about this first. He’s adorable, but I would’ve appreciated us having a conversation on whether or not we wanted a kitten.”

Mistoffelees shook his head. “I swear on Everlasting's name, I didn’t plan for this to happen!”

As he said this another kitten popped out the hat. Then another, and another! Till there were seven kittens in total! The two toms just stood there in both awe and confusion. Strangely enough, three of them seemed to resemble the couples of the junkyard. One of the queens was silver with white and black stripes, along with a few patches on her face. Obviously based on Alonzo and Munkustrap.

The other queen had the patterns of Coricopat, but the colours of Mungojerrie. 

Finally, the last unique looking kitten was a white tom, with certain sections of his fur resembling Rumpleteazer.

“What in the- Veronica! Would you come out here please!” Jocelyn called as she began to enter the living room. She’d finally realized she had forgotten her hat, and when she came to fetch it, well, she was surprised, to say the least. “What’s wrong hun- Oh! Where did all these adorable kittens come from?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea. I’m sure it was that tuxedo cat of yours, Ripper. I told you we should’ve got him neutered!” Veronica let out an offended gasp. 

“You’re one to talk! What about Jeremy? Every time a friend comes over with their cat, he’s all over them! I bet the baby mother came and dropped her kittens off!”

“How dare you suggest such a thing! Jeremy is a fine gentleman! Unlike Ripper, he’s no rascal!” As the couple began to argue once more, Tugger and Mistoffelees kept their eyes on the kittens. Somehow, it only took a minute to fall in love with them. Maybe it was the adorable way they began to play with each other. 

Already, their personalities were beginning to shine through. Rumpleteazer and Victoria’s kitten managed to snag one of the jewels off of Joceyln’s hat, trying his best to admire himself in its somewhat visible reflection, while Alonzo and Munkustrap’s kitten fussed at him for being vain. The kitten of Misto and Tugger was socializing with everyone else, then saw what the other two were doing and practically pushed Victoria’s kitten away to look at himself. All this happened as Mungojerrie and Coricopat’s kitten observed quietly from the side, as if she wanted to join the fun, but didn’t know how.

“Fine, fine! But we can’t keep all of them!” Jocelyn finally asserted. “Come on, let’s take them to the shelter before it gets any colder out there.” She bent down to gather the kittens, but Tugger stepped in front of her and hissed protectively. Jocelyn gasped at this, while Veronica only snickered. 

“Honestly Jeremy! What’s gotten into you?”

“Maybe he’s not as well behaved as you thought.” Veronica bent down beside Jocelyn and began to stroke one of the kitten's heads. “Or maybe, he’s just being protective of his new kin?” 

Jocelyn sighed and stood up. “Why don’t we deal with this in the morning hm? We’ve got a long day at the theatre tomorrow and I’d like to get a decent night's sleep.” Veronica nodded, standing as well. She wrapped her arms around Jocelyn’s waist and lifted her bridal style (Much to Jocelyn’s dismay), then carried her off to bed. 

Mistoffelees and Tugger were left alone with the kittens. “So, I take it you want to keep him?” Asked Misto, referring to the small kitten that was now wrestling with the other toms.

“How could I say no? He’s absolutely adorable Misto!” Tugger exclaimed. “And I have no doubt you’ll be an amazing father.”

“You as well. Now for a name. I was thinking Spectar?”

“Spectar you say?” Tugger repeated the name to himself for a moment, a grin beginning to form on his face. “I like it.”

\--------------------------------------

By the time Tugger and Mistoffelees had woken up the next day, their owners were already gone and had taken three of the seven kittens with them. Thankfully leaving the ones that looked like their friends. 

That morning the two toms led the kittens to the London junkyard. It was a little difficult with how distracted they got by everything (Spectar especially), but with Munk and Alonzo’s queen constantly raining them in, they were able to get there eventually.

Once they got to centre stage, Tugger called a few cats over to invite them to meet the new litter. Both Misto and Tugger were hoping they’d be fine with this, especially since there was no mention of this prior. Munkustrap and Alonzo were the first to come over. Immediately, their kitten gravitated to them, much to the surprise of the couple. 

Soon Coricopat, Mungojerrie, Victoria and Rumpleteazer showed up as well. The queens gasped in excitement as their kitten ran over to them. While the other two were more confused than anything. Mungojerrie was at least. Coricopat seemed as though he knew this was going to happen, yet still a little shocked that it actually did.

“So, Tugger,” Munkustrap starts. “Care to explain yourself?”

“Don’t look at me like that! You should be asking Misto why this happened.”

All eyes turned to the tuxedo cat. He chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, it’s a little difficult to explain. Basically, I pulled seven kittens out of a hat. Four of them just so happened to look like us.”

“Where are the other three?” Asked Victoria as she watched the kittens begin to roll around and play with each other. “Most likely given to theatre friends,” Tugger replied. “They must’ve known we wanted to keep these four.”

“Now onto the most important question,” Said Rumpleteazer as she played around with her kitten and the others. “What are their names gonna be?”

Mungojerrie and Coricopat shared a look like they had been having a silent conversation the entire time. “We was thinking, Milly Moore.” Jerrie grinned. His sister smiled and slapped him on the back. “Look at ya! Be’in a father! How cute.” Her twin stuck his tongue out at her as Teazer continued to gush.

“Straps and I are going to call her Solo.” Alonzo beamed. His kitten looked up at him with the same smile and went back to playing. “What about you girls?”

“Hmm, Nero!” Victoria replied proudly.

“Well then, it’s settled.” Munkustrap said. “Welcome to the junkyard you four. Get ready for the time of your lives.”

\----------------------------------------------------

The next week was the Jellicle Ball, and after Mistofflees pulled such an impressive feat (Even if he didn’t mean to do it), there was no way Tugger wasn’t going to sing his praises every chance he got.

[Quick drawing I did of the kittens]


	8. Why Misto doesn’t come to game night

Quaxo Mistoffelees. Believe it or not, behind that cute, curly-haired domainer, was a master tactician who was constantly playing 4D chess. There was a reason people didn’t do certain  _ things _ with Misto.

For example, games:

It was a normal afternoon on the college campus. A group of people in student housing decided to get together on Sunday and have their weekly gaming sessions. Video games to board games, whatever the group felt like on that day. It was just a fun little thing they did to form closer bonds with one another. That being said, there was only one rule:

Don’t invite Mistoffelees. 

Now that may seem harsh at first, but you’ve got to understand that Misto is a powerhouse when it comes to whatever he does. It’s as if the man has no faults. He’s wonderful, a pure joy to be around! He was just a pain to compete against in anything because you are always, ALWAYS bound to lose. 

Thankfully though, Mistoffelees usually had extra dance lessons on Sunday, so everyone else could sit around and lose to normal people who weren’t secretly Charles Xavier. 

Everyone was situated at the table, surrounded by snacks, soda and shots. Tugger had come up with a system. Every time you lose or are beaten at a certain part of a game, you take a shot. Munkustrap always ended up being the soberest, since he was pretty much the best strategist among them. It was fun until he ended up having to carry everyone up to their room. Alonzo brought over the scrabble board and placed it in the middle of the table. Once everyone had taken a shot, the game had begun. 

“Get ready Straps, you’re going to meet your match,” Tugger states with a cocky grin. His brother rolled his eyes. “You say that now, but I guarantee you’ll be the first one to pass out tonight.”

“We’ll see ‘bout that Munk,” Mungojerrie replied. “We’ve been practising, and if we don’t beat ya at Scrabble, we sure gonna get ya at Mario Kart!”

“I doubt that Jerrie,” Bombalurina chimed, getting her letters in order. “You can’t play Mario Kart to save your life. You’re the type of dumbass that somehow ends up slipping on their bananas.” Demeter and Alonzo nodded in agreement. 

Before Mungojerrie could get a chance to interject, Munkustrap clapped his hands together and went over the rules. “Alright everyone, you know how this goes. Every time a person puts down a word, it rotates throughout your group. Dem, Lonz and I currently-”

“And always will,” Alonzo added.

“Have the most amount of points. Followed by Bombalurina, Victoria and Rumpleteazer. Then, in last place, is Tugger, Jerrie and Plato.”

“Well, you didn’t have to say it like that…” Plato mumbled.

With that established, the game began. It was the usual, Munkustrap was winning, Victoria, being the lightweight she is, was drunk off of two shots; and Mungojerrie was already unbelievably frustrated. Everyone stopped however, the sound of keys was heard. There was only one other person who had keys to this house.

“Hello everyone,” Mistoffelees greeted as he entered the living room. “The teacher had an accident, so ballet ended early today. What are you all doing?”

“Scrabble,” Victoria said slowly. The people around her gave her a warning look, as to say: Don’t do it. “Would you..” Don’t you fucking do it! “Like to join us?” 

“Well,” Everyone held their breath, just hoping he’d say no. “Sure.” 

“Curse you and your unending politeness Viccy..” Grumbled Bombalurina. 

After Mistoffelees situated himself at the table, the game continued. He opted to be on a team of his own just so he wouldn’t mess up the system they already had in place. But let’s be real, he didn’t need to be on a team with any of these NEANDERTHALS. They would only hinder his abilities because Mistoffelees was the second coming of Einstein. And Jesus Christ. And Martha Graham. And-

“Alright, I’ll put down my ‘A’, to make ‘A’,” Mungojerrie said. 

“And I’ll add onto your ‘A’ to make-” Judgment. As Demeter looked across the table, she was faced with Mistoffelees. His hands were placed under his chin like he was accessing her every word. “AT..”

Tugger smirked, “Well  _ I _ am going to add onto that ‘AT’ to make ‘RAT’!” His smile fell when he noticed the look Misto gave him. He looked as though he was gazing down at him. So  _ very _ far down. 

Mistoffelees did a curt nod and looked at the words in front of him. Less than five seconds later he said, “I will add onto your ‘RAT’, Tugger, to make ‘BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC’.”

No words were exchanged. The only action done was Mungojerrie flipping the board in rage before chugging half the bottle of alcohol, and storming off. Slowly, everyone turned back to Mistoffelees, who bared the look of a supervillain who was getting ready to extract your soul. 

“So what are we playing next?” He asked cheerfully, the pure look of condescension disappearing. 

The next thing they did was play Mario Kart. Much to everyone’s surprise, Mistoffelees had never actually played the game before. This excited Plato a bit since he was sure he was going to be able to keep up his nonstop winning streak.

Oh, how wrong he was.

After a quick tutorial for Misto, the game started. In the beginning, Mistoffelees was a bit slow. He crashed into the walls, ran into obstacles and even fell off the map. It seemed like it was well for everyone else. Then, Plato made a grave mistake. He hit Mistoffelees with a shell. 

You foolish child. 

It was like a fire had awoken inside of Mistoffelees, and the Mario gods themselves had possessed him, because the moment the second round started, he killed it! He cut off Rumpleteazer, sprayed Alonzo with ink, hit Tugger into a twomp, he didn’t need to do anything to Jerrie since he managed to slip on his own banana peels. But Mistoffelees came straight for Plato’s head. Every single opportunity he got, he smashed him with a blue shell. It was chaos. 

By the time the whole game was over, Baby Peach had three gold medals and a taste for blood. Plato, now being defeated, crumbled onto the floor, still trying to process what the actual  _ fuck _ just happened. Despite this, he was a good sportsman at heart and congratulated Misto anyways. 

“Looks like you beat me fair and square,” He said through a painful smile. “Good job Misto-” 

Mistoffelees just stared into his soul for a moment. His eyes said: “ _ If you dare challenge me again, I will see to it that you are wiped clean from this world you pathetic mortal _ .” But the rest of his face had a smile, and went: “Thanks, Plato! We should play again sometime!”

“U-Uh huh…”

Then there was Monopoly. 

We don’t talk about Monopoly.

By the time the day was over, everyone was drunk beyond belief. Even Munkustrap. Losing had never hurt so much. In the middle of all the groaning and urges to vomit, was Mistoffelees. He just sat there, watching over everyone. A satisfied smile plastered on his little face. He pulled out his phone when the notification sound went off. “Guess my class is back on,” He said with a sigh. “This was fun guys!”

Mistoffelees got up and grabbed his bag. He looked back to the group and grinned. “ _ Can’t wait to do it again! _ ”


	9. Cats' Opinions

So, this isn’t really a chapter, as much as it’s just me...talking. Not necessarily headcanons, as much as how I see the Cats (1998) universe. Does that make sense? Whatever, I’m just going with it. It’s probably going to be a short one, just FYI.

Relationships

Now, I’m a pure crack shipper when it comes to Cats. That shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone by now. For some reason, I can’t seem to take this musical seriously. I don’t think anyone really should, it’s a bunch of people cartwheeling across a stage dressed as cats. What are you expecting? Citizen Kane?

I do like the “canon” relationships in the show (I say “canon” because come one, is anything in this fandom really canon?). Like:

Demeter and Munkustrap

Victoria and Plato

And...that’s it really. I guess you could say JennyAnyDots and Bustopher Jones, but it looks more like Jenny’s hardcore crushing on the man. I wouldn’t say Jellylorum and Gus because I feel like she’s more of his caretaker rather than mate, but I could see them as a couple.

Personally, my favourite ships are:

Munkustrap and Alonzo - because the stories they have together are super cute, and feel like they are built on a strong foundation of trust between the two of them. (If anyone has any good stories between the two, tell me. Chances are I’ve read it already, because, once again, this ship is one of my favs.)

Mistoffelees and Rum Tum Tugger - Do I really need to explain myself for this one? This ship, from what I’ve seen, has the most amount of stories. How could it not? These two share a whole ass song! And their interactions in the revival are amazing! I can’t even say what kind of stories I like between the two of them. So far, I haven’t read any bad ones and I’d like to keep it that way.

Rumpleteazer and Victoria - I think this one came from the 2019 movie (which no one would take me to see). I’m pretty sure there isn’t much in the tag, but I think these two are cute together. I can imagine them having a “Princess x the roguish thief” kind of vibe. 

Coricopat and Mungojerrie - This one is short, I saw them touch hands in one song, now their dating. Do you see where my crack ship mentality comes in?

Those are the only ones I think of. I could mention Cassandra and Tantomile or Demeter and Bombalurina, but I don’t have anything to say on those. There’s also Tumblebrutus and Plato, but there’s no logic behind that one. Once again, mega crack shipper over here.

When I say relationships, I don’t just mean romantic. I also mean friendships. Every time I watch cats I try to find something different. Different expressions, dance moves or interactions I didn’t notice before. 

For some reason, The Rum Tum Tugger is one of the funniest songs for me. I know it’s difficult, but look away from Tugger for just a moment and glance at the background. Skimble tells Rumpleteazer to calm down when Tugger comes on. George holding back the urge to go dance, then saying “Fuck it” and joining the other toms to cheer Tugger on. Cassandra and Tantomile scooting in when the song starts. Plato, bless his heart, being such a bisexual icon during the entire thing. It’s great. 

You can really see how they all view Tugger. The younger toms are trying to copy him or cheer him on, while the adults are scowling in disgust. You can see Munkustrap in the background basically waiting for his brother to finish. Like “Alright dude, you’ve had your fun.” Alonzo just looks confused. (I feel like he always does. It’s okay though I still love him)

Other relationships include Old D’s kids.

My theory is that Macavity, Munkustrap and Tugger are siblings. Tugger used to idolize his older brother Macavity, while Munkustrap just tried his hardest to tolerate him, (Should’a tried harder). Munk and Macavity had a lot of arguments, usually about nothing. They just couldn’t stand each other. And when Munk was chosen as protector instead of Macavity, it was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Another is Asparagus and Skimbleshanks. They seem like they’re friends. The fun and strict uncles that enjoy drinking wine or scotch at family get-togethers with their adopted son Tumblebrutus. This whole thing stems from Skimbleshanks song, as well as RTT and Jenny’s song where you can see them together.

Victoria and Mistoffelees. I love their sibling dynamic in stories. I’m reading a story called ‘Dangers Eyes, Lovers Mouth’ (by INerdMuch), and Victoria is just so understanding of the situation her brother is going through. Interestingly enough, I do also appreciate it when authors shake things up a bit. I read another one (Black Sheep; friedreese) where Victoria is more of a hindrance to Mistoffelees instead of help due to her severe separation anxiety. It’s unique and I like it.

If I’m going to be honest, I never really saw them as a couple. Really good friends sure but in a romantic relationship? I don’t think so. I’m not opposed to the idea, but I’d rather have sibling banter.

Relationships I don’t like

This one should be pretty short, I think people have the right to like whatever they want. However, I don’t support things like paedophilia, incest or blatantly harmful relationships.

That being said:

Demeter and Macavity. I understand it in context, but it doesn’t mean I like it. Demeter clearly goes into a frenzy whenever Macavity is near, and their past relationship obviously wasn’t stable. 

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. If you ask me, these two are totally siblings. I did speak to someone once and they said they would ship them even if they’re siblings. No. Stop. That goes for Tantomile and Coricopat as well. But there’s no doubt in my mind that their siblings.

Ages

I’ve sectioned off all the cats into different age groups, or generations if you will. Going from youngest to oldest, we’ve got:

Kittens:

Jemima, Pouncival, Electra, Etcetera, Tumblebruts

Youngins:

Mistoffelees, Plato, Victoria, Tumblebrutus

Early 2000s:

Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, Bombalurina, Rum Tum Tugger

Millennials:

Munkustrap, Demeter, Alonzo, Cassandra, Tantomile, Coricopat, George, Exotica

Macavity

Oldies:

Jellylorum, JennyAnyDots, SkimbleShanks, Asparagus, Bustopher Jones

Ancient: 

Old Deuteronomy, Grizabella, Gus

Yes, I am aware I put Tumblebrutus’ name down twice. I feel like depending on the adaptation, his age changes. Obviously, these are all based around headcanons and how you see who. 

I like to imagine that Bombalurina is Demeter’s younger sister, so I put her in ‘Early 2000s’. Macavity gets a whole section to himself because I feel like he was born at a weird time. As if, he was a mistake. I can relate, to be honest. I put him between Oldies and Millennials because I think he’s Munkustrap and Tugger’s older brother.

Characters

I’m just going to go through a few characters I just want to talk about.

Exotica: A part of me really likes her. It’s just fun to watch the ‘98 film and try to find her. I feel like she shows up, gets what she wanted from the experience, then goes “Mkay, I’ma dip.” and will just show up later in a completely different outfit. Like, she’s  _ that _ bitch. You all know the one. The one who comes to a party just to drink the alcohol, use your parent's bathroom and will show up again an hour later with new clothes and just does the same thing over again.

George: Why does no one talk about him? I understand that he’s not as prominent as the other characters, but if you time it just right, you can see his amazing expressions. Also, he can kick really high. I brought that up in the first chapter of this book.

Coricopat: This man's expressions, ARE GOLD. I’ve got just a folder dedicated to the intense faces he makes. A friend and I watched cats together, and every time we’d pause we’d take a picture of whatever weird face we saw. The majority of those photos are just of Coricopat! I love him so much! Not only that, but when you compare him to Tantomile you can start to see the differences between them. In The Rum Tum Tugger and SkimbleShanks the Railway Cat, Tantomile can be seen dancing with everyone or just being curious about the beautiful anomaly that is RTT. Cori, on the other hand, stays off to the side more often than not. He seems more reserved than her. They're not exactly the same, it's the little differences like that between them that I find interesting. Why don’t more people talk about this?

Plato: Do I even need to explain this one? Everyone already knows I love him. Wtf, I’ll say it anyway. I. Love. PLATO! 1. Bisexual icon. Goes after Tugger, settles for Victoria. King! He’s just having the best time during Tugger’s song and every time I notice a new thing he does, I freak out. I don’t know why I just do. I don’t need to explain myself. 2. He’s played by the same person that plays Macavity, and I’m surprised there aren’t more stories where the two of them are alter egos. (Unless it  _ is _ a thing and I just don’t know) Not only that, but he’s tall. I think he’s taller than Tugger. 

Alonzo: I adore vaporwave boy. He’s a snake. But he’s my snake. And I love him. His spine is nonexistent. His mannerisms are fantastic. And the sheer  _ extraness _ that is his being, is my favourite thing to watch.

Munkustrap: Hug this poor cat. I mean it. He gets put through so much! His dad got kidnapped, his brother crashed his party, his  _ other _ brother interrupted storytime with the bagpipes and is also too handsome for his own good, he couldn’t hang with his boyfriend because he was too busy keeping everyone else in line, and to top it all off- this goddamn man in the corner doesn’t know what a fucking Jellicle cat is!

Mistoffelees: When I read stories, there are two types of Misto’s I see, Sad short and sassy short. There is no in-between. And I’m here for both. 

Random things I have to say

~My favourite principal characters are Mistoffelees, Tugger and Munkustrap. 

~My favourite background characters are Plato, Alonzo, and Bombalurina.

Side Note: Alonzo doesn’t get enough attention. He’s an amazingly extra character and I can’t help but love him for that. Like, my boy deserves so much more! Plato included! I get a whole nother world of enjoyment just watching these two. I know I’ve said it a million times, but I’ll say it again!

~As a low alto, I am super jealous of Jemima’s soprano singing. It makes me want to cry in both joy and disappointment in my vocal range.

~I do have things I prefer seeing in stories (ie Misto and Viccy being siblings, or Tuggostoffelees etc) but I’m not opposed to anything weird. Like, if someone came out with a power rangers au where Munkustrap, Plato, Tugger, Alonzo, and Demeter (She’s the girl for diversity), had to go fight Macavity who has an army of Evangelion cat robots and also Macavity is secretly a robot himself with magic and demon powers - I wouldn’t be turned off by that idea!

I would actually read that. Is that a thing somewhere?

~I haven’t seen the 2019 movie yet, but I know I’ll probably like it. I love Cats, and this is definitely a movie meant for fans. The designs look weird, and I can’t tell who anyone is, but I can suspend my disbelief enough to ignore it. That being said, the details in the CGI is actually very impressive.

In terms of actors, Cassandra looks hot AF! Seriously! Hot damn girl! And everyone else is fine too I guess. No, but seriously, I’m not the biggest fan of James Corden’s comedy, but I’m 90% sure he’s not as bad as Rebel Willson as Jenny. I. Don’t. Like. Rebel. Willson. That’s not true. I liked her in ‘Isn’t It Romantic’. It’s just that I’m not a fan of the type of characters she plays. And I know she carried that into Jenny.

~I actually like when Macavity is redeemable! I know he’s pretty shit in my stories, but I don’t mind when he’s a decent person! In my mind though, I just imagine him as an evil theatre gay. He doesn’t have to do half the shit he does, but he does just for the hell of it! Like, he didn’t  _ need  _ to dress up as Old Deuteronomy. He could’ve just killed him right before the choice was made. But he chose to take the time to make an Old D costume, and do his makeup, and you’ve got to commend his commitment.

That being said, I  _ DO NOT  _ like seeing a Macavity who has killed, stolen and defiled the cats around him be redeemed. When I say he has no good qualities, I mean it. I wouldn’t write a story where Macavity has committed mass genocide then proceed to forgive him because “He was just sad this whole time! He didn’t mean to murder your entire family! He just did it because no one would accept him!” Who do I look like? Rebecca Sugar? I would make him kill people because he was bored, AND A TERRIBLE PERSON. Do you think I read V.G.P.D (AlonzoTheEboy) and expected a redemption from Macavity? NO! HE WAS AWFUL!!!

*Cough* I digress. 

Those are all my dumb opinions on cats. Sorry to those people who were hoping for a real chapter. You just get my crackhead energy instead. 

I’ll be getting to something soon, but in the meantime feel free to comment your own opinions on Cats, and kinds of stories you’d like to see from me as well!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr is @VilaVixG if you ever want to come yell at me or something.


	10. Silver and White Idiots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to aterriblebore to suggesting this one!

This was the hardest thing to watch. You think you know pain? Try watching Alonzo and Munkustrap be oblivious to each other's feelings. Now  _ that _ , was what true pain felt like.

For years, the cats of the London junkyard had to watch these two refuse to acknowledge their emotions. It had to be a choice at this point! Everyone knew Munkustrap and Alonzo wanted to fuck each other.  _ Except for _ Munkustrap and Alonzo.

Every time Alonzo would chat or flirt with another queen, you could just feel Munkustrap gazing over at them. Like he was wishing he was standing in the place of that queen. Sometimes you could catch Alonzo dreamily gazing at Munkustrap from afar, and when I sometimes, I mean LITERALLY ALL THE TIME!

Tugger had been watching this shit show for years. He was gearing up to just lock them in a room together so they could figure out their feelings. His father would constantly tell him they need to sort of their own relationship, and that Tugger shouldn’t meddle in the affairs of other cats. That was before Munkustrap started complaining about Alonzo and how big of a flirt he was. Now Old Deutoronmeny is looking for a suitably sized hole to shove those two in.

“I hate this..” Mistoffelees muttered. He, Tugger, Bombalurina, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were watching the aforementioned toms from not too far away. “Is it that difficult to realize someone is madly in love with you?”

“You’re one to talk,” Teazer snorted. “It took you an’ Tugger ages to get together! You were super blind when it came to his affection.”

“No, I knew. I just chose to ignore him and watch him suffer.”

“Babe-”

“Maybe that’s what their doin’?” Said Jerrie. “Who knows, Lonz could just be makin’ Munkustrap work for his attention?” That could be a possibility if Alonzo wasn’t confused as to why everyone was so irritated with the situation. He hadn’t even realized his own feelings for Munkustrap yet. So the chances of him trying to lead Straps on were practically nonexistent. 

Rum Tum Tugger let out a long, and loud groan. “I swear, I can’t tell who’s the bigger idiot in this situation. Alonzo, for being oblivious and flirting with everyone, or Munkustrap for not realizing how much he loves his best friend!”

Bombalurina shook her head. “My guess is both.” She comments. “Wait, no. I think Lonz may be the bigger dumbass.” The group watched as Alonzo sent Cassandra a wink right in front of Munkustrap. You could practically see the tom frown and try to ignore it.

“That’s it!” Tugger couldn’t watch any longer! “I’m going to chain those two toms together!”

“Tugger, don’t!” Mistoffelees exclaimed. It took both him and Mungojerrie to hold the main coon down. 

“They won’t stay stupid forever.” Said Bombalurina. Just as she did, Alonzo walked off with Cassandra. “I stand corrected.” That’s when an idea suddenly popped into the twin's heads. They sent each other a mischievous grin, then turned back to the others. “Jerrie an’ I ‘ave got a plan.”

Mistoffelees and Mungojerrie finally got off Tugger, who asked what they were going to do. The twins only continued to grin and just told them they’d handle everything. Usually when they said that, it meant something was going to go horribly wrong. But at this point, everyone was so desperate they just let it happen.

\----------------------------------

Munkustrap was laying in his den. He felt strangely at peace like he didn’t have to worry about anything. The silence accumulating around him was enough to make the tabby’s eyes begin to flutter down. Sleep. Just what he needed on an afternoon like this.

Then BAM! Mungojerrie burst in! Munkustrap immediately shot up upon seeing him, concerned with how frantic the calico looked. “Jerrie! What’s wrong?” All tranquillity he had previously felt was now thrown out the window. 

“Straps! It’s awful! You’ve gotta come with me!” Munkustrap didn’t get a proper chance to respond as Mungojerrie pulled him by the collar and strung the protector over his shoulder, nearly choking him in the process. That being said, Munkustrap couldn’t help but marvel at how strong the calico was. 

Mungojerrie sprinted out the den, still holding Munkustrap. He wouldn’t answer any of the tabby’s questions, only saying that something was terribly wrong.

“I’m serious Jerrie! What’s the problem?!” All of a sudden he stopped, and before Munk could ask why Jerrie tossed him into a deep pit. 

“Your relationship.” Not a moment later, the sound of someone running their way was heard. 

“Teazer, Teazer don’t you fucking do it! Ah-!” Alonzo fell right next to Munkustrap. Landing on his back in the process. The two twins looked down at them with smirks plastered on their faces. Rumpleteazer dusted her hands off and gave her brother a high five. “Aight mates! We’re gonna leave you two ‘er so ya can sort out ya infuriating relationship!”

“We’ll pick ya up tomorrow!” With that, the calico’s left. Leaving the two toms to their own devices. They were both extremely confused as to what was happening. “What does she mean?” Munkustrap muttered to himself. 

Alonzo groaned, finally bringing himself off the ground and rubbing his back in both pain and irritation. “No idea. I  _ do _ know it didn’t warrant her dropping me on my  _ back _ into a hole!” He grumbled. “Teazer is surprisingly strong, you know. She carried me the whole way here.”

The Jellicle guardian only nods. Now that he was alone with Alonzo, he couldn’t help but focus on him. Well, there wasn’t much else to look at. The patched tom seemed to notice and grinned. “Enjoying the view Straps?” He asked flirtatiously.

Munkustrap returned the grin. “Maybe a little.”

Though Alonzo rolled his eyes, the smile remained on his face. With a jaded sigh, he slid down, crossing his legs and holding his face in his paws. Munkustrap did the same, opting to just bring his legs towards his chest. There were a good three feet between the two toms, with the surrounding surface being dirt. “Well then,” Alonzo starts. “They said we needed to ‘sort out our relationship’, whatever that means. So why don’t we clear some air.”

“Go on.”

“Let’s just...compliment each other! We’ll go back and forth and say what we appreciate about one another.” Munkustrap rolled his eyes. 

“You just enjoy flattery.”

“That’s very true. You know me so well.”

The tabby just sighed, but agreed nonetheless. He didn’t have to wrack his brain to find good points about Alonzo. They were best friends after all. “I appreciate how you’re always there when I need you.” He said slowly.

“I appreciate that you need me.” There was a hint of disbelief in his voice, and it sent Munkustrap off.

“Of course I need you!” He replied truthfully. “If I’m going to be completely honest, I don’t know how I could live without you.” Alonzo just blinked at his friend, letting him continue. “You have been my best friend since kittenhood. You’ve seen my ups and downs. My breakdowns, and the times I’ve been too confident to handle,” Munkustrap didn’t even know what he was saying anymore, he couldn’t stop himself from talking. “You’ve always been by my side! It’s why you are, and always will be, my second in command-” 

Alonzo closed the distance between them, and even though Munk was surprised, he didn’t pull away. He tossed his arms around Alonzo’s shoulders and brought him closer, straddling the black and white tom in his lap.

A few wonderful moments later, Alonzo pulled back. He put his finger to his “friends” mouth and told him it was his time to speak. “You really put me on the spot with that declaration. It sounded like a wedding vow,” He chuckled. “Let’s see if I can follow that up.” Alonzo cleared his throat and looked Munk in the eyes. “Munkustrap, you’re the best tom a cat could know. You’re confident, strong, and everything I ever aspired to be. You’ve got so many good qualities, it would take me ages to list them all. I don’t know where I’d be without you. You welcomed me in off the streets and never treated me like some sort of outsider. I wouldn’t be the tom I am today if it hadn’t been for you.”

Munkustrap kissed Alonzo’s forehead and pulled him into a hug. “We’re going to kill Jerrie and Teazer for this later though, right?” The latter asked. 

“Of course,” Munk grinned. “In the meantime, what do you want to do?”

The patched tom bit his lip and scaled Munkustrap up and down for a second before leaning back into a kiss. “I can think of a few things.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old D totally dug the whole they were in.


	11. The Fight for Misto's Love

Mistoffelees, as much as you gotta love the guy, is oblivious as fuck. Either that, or he’s just really good at playing the field. Based on how he interacts with the other toms in the junkyard, it was probably the former.

How hard was it to realize that Rum Tum Tugger, Mungojerrie,Alonzo, and Coricopat, were all in love with you! Apparently, it was impossible to figure! The biggest question was how so many of the cats here ended up being so gay.

Either way, it was an unspoken competition amongst the four toms to gain Mistoffelees affection. And of course, it didn’t go as planned.

\---------------------------------------

The tuxedo tom was practising his conjuring turn in centre stage in front of the kittens. They’d all seen him dancing prior and wanted to take notes on how he did it. Unknown to Misto though, he had another party watching him as well. 

“That was amazing!” Jemima cheered, her friends nodded in agreement with so much excitement it looked as though their heads may pop off. “How did you do it?” Asked Pouncival. 

“How many spins can you do?” Questioned Etcetera. 

Mistoffelees couldn’t help but chuckle at how eager they were. “Well, usually I only do about 24, but if I really push myself I can get to 36.” He couldn’t tell, but people were swooning behind him. “As to how I do it, all I’ve got to do is keep my head levelled as I spin and I won’t fall over.”

“That’s it?” A voice asked. Misto and the kittens turned around, now faced with Plato. “You think I could try?”

“Be my guest. Just don’t push yourself too hard.” Plato nodded. He stretched his arms out and began spinning. He was doing pretty good till he got to his fifth spin. The tom began to lose balance and tripped right into Mistoffelees arms. “That wasn’t the most graceful thing I’ve seen you do.” Said Mistoffelees with a grin. 

Plato remained in his arms with a smile. “It’s definitely harder than it looks.” For such a small tom, Mistoffelees was surprisingly strong, and Plato couldn’t help but marvel at that. He found himself falling deeper and deeper into the dark pools of Mistoffelees eyes. That is till Mungojerrie and Rum Tum Tugger came.

“Hey, guys.” Plato greeted with a grin, Mistoffelees finally helping him up. The two toms only sent him a glare and turned their attention to Misto. “Hey tux, we need to talk to Plato about something real quick,” Tugger said.

Mistoffelees looked at them and shrugged. “Mkay. Come on guys, I’ll show you guys some magic tricks.” The kittens cheered as the magician led them away. Leaving Plato with Jerrie and Tugger. 

“Uh…”

“Hey there Plato,” Mungojerrie started. “We were hopin’ to have a little word with you about Mistoffelees.”

About ten minutes later, the two of them went right back to Misto. Each sat right on each side on him as he continued to explain his magic. Both sent each other a glare as they laid their arms across Mistoffelees shoulder. He didn’t acknowledge their looks of irritation and just leaned into their efforts. He shifted his head onto Mungojerrie’s chest and rested his legs on Tugger’s. “And that kittens is how you don’t summon whales in your human's bathtubs.” The tuxedo cat finished, earning sounds of admiration in return. “Jerrie? Tuggs? Do you have anything to add?”

Tugger hummed for a moment. “Only that you’re a beautiful specimen who deserves every bit of praise you get~” He purred. Misto only blinked at him, rolling his eyes and turned to Mungojerrie. “Cute.” He said simply.

Mungojerrie didn’t even resist the urge to snicker, earning him yet another stern look from Tugger. “Gotta agree with him on that one Tux. You’ve got one nice set of curves.”

“Cool.” Mistoffelees rolled away from his admirers and went back to the kittens with a bright grin. “You guys want to see some sparkles?”

“Yeah!” 

“Then come on!” Just before he left, Mistoffelees turned to Tugger and Mungojerrie. Giving them a sly grin. 

“He was smiling at me!”

“In ya wildest dreams! That was definitely for me!”

Having successfully sent them into a frenzy, Mistoffelees struts off with the kittens.

\---------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Mistoffelees had successfully amazed the kittens. They were so amazed in fact, that they rushed off to go find their parents and tell them what they’d seen! Leaving Misto with a few moments of much-needed solitude. 

Which was too much to ask apparently. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” A quiet voice asked from behind. Mistoffelees let out a sigh. His irritation quickly went away when he saw that it was Coricopat behind him. “If you’d like to be alone, I’ll leave you be.”

“No need. You probably knew I wanted some quiet time, but came over anyway. So you clearly want to talk.” Coricopat looked down for a moment, silently cursing himself for being so obvious as he sat beside the tux. Much to his surprise though, Mistoffelees just shook his head and smiled. “It’s alright though, I enjoy your company.”

“You...do…? I wasn’t expecting that..” The calico replied truthfully. Mistoffelees didn’t say anything, opting instead to lay his head on Coricopat’s shoulder with a small grin. “I bet you weren’t expecting that either.”

Butter. That’s what Cori felt like. Like melted butter that had been left out in the sun because someone was planning on baking outside for some reason but never actually got to it. The calico couldn’t seem to feel his limbs, only his heart pounding in his chest as if it were trying to leap out. It wasn’t a bad feeling for say, just an interesting one, and Coricopat didn’t mind.

“I noticed you were showing the kittens your magic,” Cori said slowly. He wasn’t necessarily sure if Mistoffelees was in the mood for conversation, and he couldn’t focus enough to use his powers to see what his response was going to be. “That was very nice of you.”

Misto just shrugged. “It’s nice when people appreciate your talents like that. Even if they were only kittens. It reminds me of how I feel in regards to you.”

Cori choked. On what? He had no idea. “Me…? What do you mean?”

“Your powers, your abilities, your control! It’s amazing what you and your sister can do.”

“Oh...I see…” If he was going to be honest, Coricopat was hoping Misto was referring to him as a cat, not just his powers. Still, at least he acknowledged him in some sort of field. “Mistoffelees, listen...I was wondering, by any chance if you’d like to-” He stopped. Both toms shot up and a wave of disruption passed through them. They looked at each other, both knowing what it meant, and rushed to the mainstage to warn the others. 

Unfortunately, they were too late. 

“MACAVITY!” someone cried from a distance, running in with a few other figures.

“I swear to the Everlasting Cat, WE CAN ALL SEE HIM DEMETER!” Alonzo shouted at the queen. “And stop doing that thing with your hips, are you trying to get him to come over here?” Tugger, Mungojerrie and Coricopat rushed over, followed by Mistoffelees. Alonzo almost perked up upon seeing him. “Oh! Mistoffelees, how are-”

“No.” Misto deadpanned. “Why are you here Macavity?”

“I’m here for you dear Misto~” The ginger cat purred. The toms around Mistoffelees all hissed. “Not in your wildest dreams Macavity!” Shouted Tugger.

“Ugh.” Macavity groaned, pinching the brink of his nose. “Can you all just let me have this one thing? Seriously, I only show up to add tension and create problems in your life. The  _ least _ you can do is let me take the tux.”

“Ya make it sound like showing up like this is doin’ us a favour,” Mungojerrie commented with a tilt of his head.

“Aren’t I? Come on. Without me, your lives would be so much duller. Who else is going to kidnap, torture and steal from you guys if no one else is going to do it? Who’s going to build up excitement and reinforce bad memories if I’m not around to do it.” 

“He’s kinda got a point.”

“Don’t encourage him, Jerrie.” Alonzo hissed. 

“That being said, I’ll be taking Mistoffelees with me. I have no real reason, I’ve just noticed that all four of you have been pining after him, and I want to see you distressed. Also, get a hobby. Seriously. All of you are extremely possessive and it would be hilarious if it wasn’t so sad.”

Mistoffelees only looked at him with confusion. Then at the toms around him. “Wait...Seriously?”

“Duh.”

“Seriously tux?”

“Yes.”

“I thought we made it really obvious.” 

“No one asked for your opinion  _ Alonzo _ .” Misto glared. He turned back to Macavity. “Yeah sure, I’ll come with you.”

“WHAT!?” The other four toms exclaimed.

“Oh shit. Cool. I’ve got this really cool movie we can watch, it’s called RENT. The stage play is better, but the movie’s alright as well. We can go to Panera on the way. ” With that, the two magic cats teleported away. Leaving the others stunned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alonzo doesn't get any of Misto's time.


	12. No homo bro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah shit. Here we go again.

“Alonzo...I love you.”

“Pardon?”

“I said, I love you! It took me forever to realize it. And to come to grips with it, but now I can finally say with all my heart, that I love you.”

Alonzo stared at Munkustrap. His childhood friend. The Jellicle protector and storyteller. He stood there with the most vulnerable expression Alonzo had ever seen on his face. As if one wrong word could break him.

“Ha! Funny. No homo though. Alright Straps, I’ll see you later! If you need me I’ll be with Cassandra!”

And break him he did.

Munkustrap fell to his knees. Holding his arms like his life depended on it. How could he be so _foolish_ to think that a tom as great as Alonzo would love him? They’d know each other their entire lives! There were so many signs! Did they mean nothing? The flirting, the hugs, the kisses, the sex! Was it all meaningless? Or was it all stained by the cursed words: No homo bro.

Ah yes. No homo. Munkustrap loathed those words. They tainted each of those memories. The first time he heard it was when he was young. They came from the tom he so desired himself. He said to Munk: “Nice collar Straps! But it’d look even better on my floor! No homo bro.”

Truly, it haunted him. Even during the pivotal moment of their first time making love, Alonzo still uttered the words “No homo” right as he climbed on top of the silver tom. Munkustrap couldn’t be mad though. By saying ‘No homo bro’ you immediately make whatever thing you're doing less gay. That’s just one of the laws of the universe! Everyone knows that!

And yet, those words still stung him. Like an arrow shooting through his heart. One of the old dingy arrows Cupids forgot to clean and has been collecting dust for 100 years. A broken arrow with spikes, thorns, and laced with antibiotics that you picked up by accident because you thought they were pain killers.

He should’ve known Alonzo was straight. The sunglasses, the letterman jackets, the constant insistence that “I like queens guys! For real! I’m like, super into boobs!”. It was all so obvious. He never shut the fuck up about how straight he was.

In the end, who was truly at fault? Alonzo; for following his completely, straight, heterosexual, not gay, straight guy dreams? Or Munkustrap; for being led on. Pulled by egregious words: No homo.

That was the question that replayed in Munkustrap’s head while laid in bed. Looking like some sort of dead animal. He hadn’t moved in days, his fur was a mess and the bags under his eyes were so big you could stash your life savings in there, good lord!

Eventually, everyone got tired of him being a sad sack and someone finally decided to check on the poor soul. The Rum Tum Tugger and his bottom bitch Mistofflees showed up to his den, only to find him face-first on the ground.

Fucking loser.

“Everlasting Straps. What the hell happened?” Tugger went over to his older brother and lifted him by the scruff of his neck.

Mistoffelees immediately winced the second he saw his face. “Oh my god! You look awful!”

“What are you talking about? I always look like this.”

“...No wonder you’re single.”

“ANYWAYS. Why are you hiding in and why have you been out of commission? The others are starting to _depend_ on me!” Tugger shivers. “I don’t have time for responsibilities _Munkustrap_! I’m too busy being perfect!”

“I...I just wanted to date Alonzo!”

“Why the _FUCK_ would you wanna do that???” Tugger practically yelled. “He’s like...boring. And a little shit. He’s a little shit Munkustrap!”

“No, you don’t get it,” Munkustrap shimmied his way out of his brother's grip and brushed himself off. “He’s so flexible. Really flexible. And his hips are the work of GOD.”

The tuxedo cat nodded in agreement. “He is the living embodiment of a slinky.”

With a light sigh, Tugger held his face in disappointment. He placed his hands on Munkustrap’s shoulders and looked him dead in the eye. “Look Munk, I know it sucks to be a late bloomer. I know how badly you wanna get into the rain club, but maybe this isn’t the way to do it.”

The rainbow club. The unofficial official name for the gay cat of the junkyard. Aka, literally everyone. Rundown: Demeter and Bombalurina, Victoria and Teazer, Poucival and Tumblebrutus, Jellorum and JennyAnyDots, Jerrie and Coricopat, Cassandra and Tantomile- you get it. Fucking everyone.

Everyone, except Alonzo and Munkustrap.

“Maybe find someone outside of the tribe? Someone who’s not boring. Please, don’t choose someone boring!”

For a moment, Munkustrap thought he was right. Maybe he should give up and find someone who actually loves him. Someone who will listen. Someone who won’t just write off his advances. Someone nice, kind, thoughtful and-

“What the hell?” Mistoffelees interjected. “What’s wrong with you? Haven’t you ever seen The Notebook?”

“Holy shit you’re right! Munkustrap, forget what I just said! Find the highest building you can, and threaten suicide unless he goes out with you and takes your relationship seriously!”

“Everlasting...You’re right! Thanks guys!”

Munkustrap stepped back from Tugger with a bright grin on his face. Then high kicked him in the face. “That’s for picking me up earlier. Fucking idiot.”

And off he went, to find the highest building in London and force Alonzo to love him. Did it work? How the fuck should I know? This isn’t getting a sequel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mkay, first- Hello! Sorry I've been gone. I've been doing things. Nothing important or anything.  
> I wrote this in like 10 minutes and it shows. I was high on coffee and Tumblr memes okay. Speaking of Tumblr, I have one. @VilaVixG. There's my shameless plug.  
> I probably won't update again for a bit because...I'm lazy. I don't really have an excuse. I've just been doing other shit and you're going to have to accept it.

**Author's Note:**

> Always feel free to suggest ideas!


End file.
